Let’s see what we have got here:
A xmpp server based on ejabberd on my host: lofyer.org.
Windows client: Jitsi(Recommended), Pidgin.
(Optional)A Android client: Xabber.
MAXS on my Nexus 5 Android phone.

1. Prepare the server(Debian 7)

# apt-get install ejabberd
# cd /etc/ejabberd/; wget http://people.collabora.com/~robot101/olpc-ejabberd/ejabberd.cfg

Change hosts and admin section to your FQDN.
Here’s a example:

{hosts, ["lofyer.org"]}.
{acl, admin, {user, "mypassword", "lofyer.org"}}.

Then you should restart ejabberd, and maybe a reboot is essential.

# /etc/init.d/ejabberd restart

Enable Jingle(voice and video)

You need JingleNodes module on your server.

# apt-get install erlang-tools
# git clone git://git.process-one.net/exmpp/mainline.git exmpp
# cd exmpp; ./configure; make; make install
# svn checkout http://jinglenodes.googlecode.com/svn/ jinglenodes
# cd jinglenodes; ./configure --prefix=/usr/; make; make install

Add following content to your ejabberd.cfg in the modules section.

  {mod_jinglenodes, [
		     {host, "jinglenodes.@HOST@"},
		     {public_ip, "192.168.1.148"},
		     {purge_period, 5000},
		     {relay_timeout, 60000}
		    ]},

Enable web register(optional)

Add to ejabberd.cfg, ‘modules’ section the basic configuration:

{modules, [
  ...
  {mod_register_web,     []},
  ...
]}.

In the ‘listen’ section enable the web page:

{listen, [
  ...
  {5281, ejabberd_http, [
	tls,
    {certfile, "/etc/ejabberd/ejabberd.pem"},
    {request_handlers, [
      {["register"], mod_register_web}
    ]}
  ]},
  ...
]}.

Use your own certificate

openssl req -new -x509 -newkey rsa:1024 -days 3650 -keyout privkey.pem -out server.pem
openssl rsa -in privkey.pem -out privkey.pem
cat privkey.pem >> server.pem
rm privkey.pem

The port numbers you should open are: 5281(http://localhost:5281/register/) 5280(http://localhost:5280/admin) and 5222(for c2s).

Register users:

# ejabberdctl register admin lofyer.org mypassword
# ejabberdctl register myphone lofyer.org mypassword
# ejabberdctl register mypc lofyer.org mypassword

2. Pidgin and MAXS test

Pidgin: admin@lofyer.org
MAXS: myphone@lofyer.org
By the way, guarantee that there is only one running jabber client on your phone during this period.
Pidgin
Add a friend

Shell test

SMS test

And a msg to my GF.